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Friday, December 30, 2005

Notre Dame Coach at Fiesta Bowl: "We Didn't Come Here To Drink Margaritas"

"Give me liberty or give me death"-- Patrick Henry"I have not yet begun to fight"-- John Paul Jones"Remember the Alamo!"-- Sam Houston"Remember the Alamo Bowl!"-- Lloyd Carr (apocryphal)Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis added to the list of great historical battle cries last Tuesday when he announced, upon arriving in Phoenix for the 2006 Fiesta Bowl, this immortal sentence: "We didn't come here to drink margaritas."
Now, only time (and perhaps Regis Philbin) will tell us where that quotes stacks up alongside "Win one for the Gipper!" (Knute Rockne), "Colorado is living a lie!" (Lou Holtz) and "You're a Ruettiger! There's nothing in the world wrong with being a Ruettiger!" (Ned Beatty) in Irish lore.But Weis' quote struck me. The Irish are all business in preparing to play Ohio State and break their 12-year string without a bowl win on Monday. Notre Dame didn't come to Tempe to drink margaritas. Given.But its alumni did.
Now, keeping in mind that this column is entitled "Campus Blitz" and not "Campus Blitzed," this alum and Tempe native took a tour of cantinas Thursday night.The intent was to assist you, the discriminating connoisseur of that "frozen concoction that helps me hang on," weed out the tequila temples from the daiquiri dumps. Each stop on our tour will receive a grade for its margarita and for its atmosphere, on a 1-4 limes basis.Also, each stop -- with the exception of our first -- is located within one mile of Sun Devil Stadium, which will sadly be hosting its final Fiesta Bowl this Jan. 2.1.
Josh and Marci's house:
Josh and Marci: "The best-looking couple old enough to be president."John Walters/SIJosh and Marci are not only the best-looking couple old enough to be president I know (see photo), but they serve a mean margarita at great prices. Women drink free here. So do their dates.Josh and Marci live about seven miles south of Sun Devil Stadium in a town called Ahwatukee, an Apache word that means "upscale subdivision that did not exist fifteen years ago." Actually, half of Phoenix is Ahwatukee if you look at it that way.Anyway, what makes Josh and Marci's margaritas so yummy, besides the price, is that they cut them with Tecate beer. Softens the blow a little. And you won't find a more tastefully decorated home anywhere.Margarita: 4 limesAtmosphere: 4 limes2.
Dos Gringos Trailer Park, 1001 E. Eighth Street, TempeDos Gringos serves a house margarita, but I advise you upgrade to the Cadillac margarita. It tastes as if they've sprinkled some orange juice in the libation. You and Anita Bryant will both be glad they did.Dos Gringos is located right behind a popular neighborhood of Arizona State off-campus apartments that has long been known as "Sin City." The exterior of the joint looks like a Spanish mission, but once you step inside you'll notice that they've raised (or "razed") the roof. Dos Gringos, like many of the female sunbathers in Sin City, is topless.Margarita: 4 limesAtmosphere: 4 limes3.
Z Tejas, 20 W. Sixth StreetA popular chain, Z Tejas is a great place to take a date or wear a collared shirt to. It's the kind of place where you'll find guys my age sporting pressed golf shirts and cell phones attached to their belts (please, someone, anyone, bludgeon me with Texas Tech's playbook if I ever sport that look) looking for the ladies.Z Tejas appears to have the same philosophy about serving margaritas that saloon-keeper Martini (talk about fate picking you) did in It's A Wonderful Life: "We serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast." It's not that Z Tejas is a dive bar. Far from it. It's downright spiffy. Z Tejas is classier than Ron Burgundy's wildest dreams for San Diego.But they do serve a strong margarita, and in lots of varieties. I was advised to try the "Chambord Margarita," which comes frozen. It's very pretty to look at, but a little too sweet and feminine for my tastes. The appletini of margaritas, if you will. Fellow tour-goer Don, who has two sons playing college football at the University of Redlands, recommended the "Hard Day Rita," which is not only a fine alternative but I believe two Beatles songs in one.Margarita: Chambord, 2 limes; Hard Day Rita, 3 limesAtmosphere: 3 limes4.
Margarita Rocks, 410 S. Mill Ave.We should have known better. If the dizzying number of bouncers out front and the promise of a "wet T-shirt contest" later that evening did not give it away, the $2 margaritas should have. I haven't sampled anything this cloyingly sweet since my nieces made me watch "Barney the Dinosaur."Speaking of dinosaurs, I felt like one just being there. Margarita Rocks is the kind of place where, if you're old enough to get in without a fake ID, you're too old to be there. But if you're 19 and your parents bought you, ahem, mammary enhancements as a high school graduation gift and you're looking to win $350, this is the place for you.Margaritas: 1/2 limon (not even a lime)Atmosphere: one lime
John Walters and crew outside of The Library, the perfect bar for visiting Domers.John Walters/SI5.
The Library, 501 S. Mill Ave.I once took a summer school course at Arizona State and, even though I was raised here, was in awe of the buff bods that were ubiquitous there. I remember asking my older brother, a Sun Devil alum, how he ever got any studying done. "Well, Seed," he answered, invoking my family nickname, "that's why I spent five-and-a-half years there."Which is to say that although The Library is a saloon, it probably gets as much ASU undergrad traffic as the Hayden Library on campus. After our Margarita Rocks experience, no one in our party was searching for their lost shaker of salt. Water sounded great. Plus, we just wanted to soak up the atmosphere. The Library is a comfy, cozy, casual joint located on Mill Avenue's most popular corner. It sits below a Hooters, and I'm sure there's a joke there if I try hard enough, but I just don't feel like it. The Library's gimmick, besides bookshelves, is that its barmaids dress like the babe in Warrant's Cherry Pie video. You know, plaid skirts, knee socks, and belly-baring tops. Just like all the girls you attended Catholic school with. Right? Perfect for Domers visiting from the Chicago area.Margarita: IncompleteAtmosphere: 4 limes6.
Greasy Tony's, 921 E. University DriveNot a saloon, but the ideal place to visit after a pub crawl. Greasy Tony's is a 2 a.m. Tempe treasure. Onion rings to die for, and one of the few places in Phoenix advertising New York-style pizza (actually, Tony, who's from Trenton, claims it's "New Jersey-style") that knows what it's talking about.The décor hasn't changed in more than a decade, with the exception of one photo added this week. Seems that a somewhat more famous Tony from the Garden State stopped in here earlier this week for a bite. Tony Soprano. Yup, there's a photo of Greasy Tony standing with James Gandolfini, who was in town this week to cheer on his alma mater (Rutgers, which played in the Insight Bowl).And, yes, in case you're wondering, A.J., Greasy Tony's does have #$%* ziti.
Eight in the Box1. My friend and colleague Arash Markazi has a piece currently up on this site, a veritable hagiography of Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis (and that's something coming from an 'SC alum). In the story he mentions how Weis charms fifth-grader Tyler Bruggman of Scottsdale, Arizona.Ironically, and unbeknownst to Arash when he happened upon the young man, I also know him (Bruggman, that is, not Weis). Tyler's dad, Curt, was a superjock at my high school (Brophy, in Phoenix) who played quarterback and was the point guard on the team that had future Dookie Mark Alarie.In Arash's piece Weis jokes, "I hope this isn't a recruiting violation."
Weis might be interested to learn that Tyler Bruggman is the quarterback of the Scottsdale Pop Warner Apaches, who tied for the state title in 2004 and won it outright in 2005. Their two-year record: 20-1-1. His coach? His dad.I guess you could say Weis made a good first impression should he find himself paying a visit to the Bruggman home in seven years.Meanwhile, I just know there's a reader (or a dozen) in Oregon right now saying, "#$%@ SI.com! They've had two more reporters write about an 11 year-old quarterback than cover Kellen Clemens this year!"
2. I would like to see ESPN's Classic Now, hosted by the unfairly handsome Josh Elliott, create a pop-culture segment. For example, if they could pit the 2004 USC Trojans against the 1995 Nebraska Cornhuskers in the ultimate college football playoff, why not match up Nickelback's 2005 Photograph against Def Leppard's 1984 Photograph. "Ohhh, look what you've done to this rock-and-roll clown. Oh, oh, look what you've done."
3. I admit it: I'm loving the bowl bonanza. Wednesday, which featured two games that were undecided until the final seconds (MPC Computers Bowl, B.C. vs. Boise State; and Alamo Bowl, Michigan vs. Nebraska) was the best day so far -- by far. Some thoughts:-- When his eligibility is exhausted, Boise State quarterback Jared Zabransky should go directly to playing a bad guy on HBO's Deadwood. And he should adopt fellow WAC quarterback (Hawaii) Colt Brennan's name for his character.--
Heather Cox: Underrated.-- I'm sitting there listening to Cox, a Boise resident, recount the tale of Boston College All-America defensive end Mathias Kiwanuka. Sure, I've heard the story before (his grandfather, the first prime minister of Uganda, was assassinated in 1972 by Idi Amin), and so have you. But still, I can't help thinking, "WHERE THE HECK IS GARY SMITH ON THIS?" Isn't this piece right in his wheelhouse? I guess he just doesn't care about winning Sportswriter of the Year as badly as he used to.--
From the very first snap, Michigan-Nebraska just felt like a national championship game, did it not?-- Kirk Herbstreit: He sounds even better than he looks. Herbie is the perfect blend of cogent opinion, X's-and-O's insights you'd want from a former player, respect for the game and candor. The former Ohio State quarterback is, for these ears, as palatable as they come.-- The final play of the Alamo Bowl: Seven laterals, and you've seen it ad nauseam, but what would have happened if there had been an eighth? The Wolverines' Steve Breaston, who had already had a fantastic night returning kicks, was running alongside Tyler Ecker begging for the ball for the first 15 yards of Ecker's stampede. Michigan's tight end ran like a man possessed, granted, but what might have happened had he lateraled to Breaston?--
By the way, the perfect ending I would like to have seen? Ecker, carrying the ball, races downfield to about the five-yard line. Then that former Cornhusker, the one who punched out the Mizzou fan who stormed the field two years ago, appears from nowhere and flattens Ecker with a forearm shiver. Not that he easily could. Ecker's a big boy.
4. A Fiesta Bowl suggestion from my college buddy Smoron: "Why not plant a false story that A.J. Hawk tends to purchase glass unicorn figurines on the road for Brady Quinn's sister?" Now why would I want to do that?5. Some Howard Cosell thoughts, as Monday Night Football departs ABC...--
Before ESPN existed and there was no such thing as a national sports highlights show, the zenith of my week was Cosell doing the previous day's highlights during the MNF halftime (Hey, I never said that I had a great childhood; I mean, it was better than Augusten Burroughs, but... ). No one had Howard's gift for inflection: " Staubach steps up in the pocket and throws the ball... TO THIS MAN! Tony Hill!"--
If you're under 30 and you don't understand why older people consider Woody Allen a genius, rent Bananas. Allen stars as Fielding Mellish, a consumer-products tester who gets involved in a third-world revolution to win a girl's heart. Cosell, playing himself, appears in a few scenes providing commentary of the military coup. He never breaks character. It's tremendous.--
My brother Porge once gave me a copy of Howard's bitter memoirs, I Never Played the Game (although you gotta give him credit for the perfect double entendre title). Anyway, after one particularly poignant passage, one of many they-done-me-wrong anecdotes in the book, Cosell simply wrote, "Roll on, thou deep and dark blue ocean."For years Porge and I would quote that to one another whenever something went wrong.
6. Thought of the day: You're actress Teri Polo and let's say you're lost in the woods. You hear someone call out your name. "TERI? TERI?" Do you answer, "POLO!!!"?
7. Where does Adrian Peterson's injury rank in the all-time list of bizarre freak injuries? In case you missed the Holiday Bowl, the Sooner speedster head-bumped a teammate after his longest run of the evening (50 yards, which was negated by a holding penalty). It still doesn't top the Martin Gramatica torn-ACL-after-landing-awkwardly-following-a-field-goal injury. And it certainly doesn't top the death of L.A. Law's Rosalind Shays (Diana Muldaur), who stepped into an elevator that was not there. Honestly, I always look now because of that. Thank you, Stephen Bochco.
8. Reader Brian Harback writes that, as George Costanza found religion by doing everything opposite of what his instincts told him to do ("Hi, my name is George, I'm unemployed and I live with my parents"), he too has found a new belief system. "I am never going to pick a team that has said anything negative or complained about a bowl game they are going to," writes Harback, who goes on to cite Michigan (perceived Outback Bowl snub), Oregon (Fiesta Bowl snub) and Georgia Tech (Meineke Car Care Bowl snub -- five words I never thought I'd write in that order, by the way) as just the most recent examples.Speaking of snubs, Roxanne Ivory (November 28 Campus Blitz) wrote this week to apologize for the 1983 Christmas dance snub. All is forgiven. I attended the Meineke Car Care Ball instead.

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